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What Spills Out the Head

by Idealease

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1.
a room in a roof falling asleep at night watching the shadows move. mummified my insides uncertainly alive only a dying proof. I don't really know do you know what I mean? no one will believe me. and when I watched you leave a flashback into the dream remembering through feeling. is this the present tense cause nothing feels relevant or ever really new. I'll repeat what I said with my voice inside your head I am you just see through. so if you had to guess do you think are hearts are beating or trembling with suspense? while your pounds in protest my begins to sink I hold down a deep breath. constellations formulating out of my own mouth. what was I saying theres no escaping thought forms out of sound. don't think about it.
2.
I could hear yourself and it felt so stealth. something became alive out of what your tongue expelled. and what I decide has become stabilized. a perpetual dementia in the rhythming rhyme. you gotta snake like walk in the way you talk I remain forever silent slither in my thoughts where I'm caught on what was said. I'm running late so maybe turn the clocks all back because Im coming all alone covering my tracks. but you know where I go. it keeps me controlled. like the sound of nervous tones of what people suppose. this unraveling world uncomfortably exposed. then I felt a cold shiver. clouds covered the skies. there are things you should consider realities disguise. your speech is forming figures that I recognize. always so familiar in the way that you describe me as something I believe. took the words out my mouth keeper them outta reach. your conceiving deceit with such reverie and then when I agree theres no way I'm coming clean. you caught me thinking what are you holding behind your back. a quivering spines thats ready to snap. I can't cope with the fact. leave my paralyzed swallowing me intact. what're you holding behind your back. I've become serpentine on an infinite path. I still can't cope with the fact. I am unconfined by what you define.
3.
I watch invisible wind blow. sunroof flooded in moon glow. my mind moves out of my control as I follow. now I can see the bridge swaying the landscape has disappeared. what you knows not for explaining. never feels like I am here. standing at the edge of a cliff can feel myself become distant from everything that I contrast seen from my own precipice. walking out along a ridge emerging out of the mist into a detailed expanse. where I'm saying nothing cas meaning is a default. can you escape from comparing and let yourself dissolve. always walking around downtown I know its seen me before. always fading into the background staring into the water. all of this debris surrounding everything. people scatter the streets and sift straight through me. sit patiently forget all there is to do. sit patiently thinking about nothing new. sit patiently waiting to conclude. as I leave you I redo and resume.
4.
upon discovery of fire man you'll know what to do. staring into desire that let the smoke consume. I'm suffocating on the thought of you.
5.
don't wait. hesitating embrace. the night on display. lights on an empty street I don't take. a corrosive that paves. my attention is strayed. all of these thoughts are teeth in a chattering brain. constantly contemplate. realizations escape. you keep me company for your own sake. feel an emotion come up under your lids and it feels like poison. always something you can't forgive or let yourself forget. become stunned. mouth left hung open. eyes wide abandoned. steeped in disbelief of whats to come. deleted instinct. nothings convincing. on the tip of my tongue jagged consistency. under review and theres no proof. we just both agree to be confused. I wanna live in rewind arrive as I wave goodbye being pulled from behind decline and then realign. coming up to the surface. theres no avoiding. as I wonder the purpose of your returning. disinterestingly amused by a world that I assume. And when I try to make a move I get stuck in the stutter. Seems like you're tryna say something. sounding out something profound that you never saw coming. I'll never know what its about
6.
awake out of the led bells tolling inside your head. arise to forget arrive in a place you just left. this narrow space where nothing every escapes. how do you sleep so still knowing the place you await. an overgrown yard filled with broken down cars. an abandoned feeling that won't depart. abruptly I fade and freshly I decay theres nothing left of the remains. I can hear you from under ground. your steps make such curious sounds through an empty house. looking for something never found. stopping in such silent doubt you make your way down.
7.
deluded up floating above the place where I'm stuck. leaving undone my dumb problems there all common. as I practice picking out outfits I only lay out. catatonically cosmic when I'm all alone. distractingly relaxed always waiting for something to come next. my steps became reflexed always leaving myself out of context. confessingly regret this is something I need off of my chest. the past is in advance always thinking of what I'll never ask. I'm rushing in place. the day delays as I keep up with kicked feet up always getting late. watch myself age as I rotate walking the other way. I wander down. with out a sound as I fell comatosely composed out of a body that I borrow. hold me close keep me consoled I need something I can follow. my shadow stretches to places I'll never go. I arose into the undertow. when I leave I'm rushing to do nothing. comatosely composed out of the time I postpone.
8.
Back Balcony 02:31
I can see with my eyes closed. the lines of my palm shows that the futures clammy cold. breathing in slow remember what I don't know always checking for my pulse with both hands around my throat. back balcony is where you can find me. taking in the evening feels like memory. now I talk to my reflection getting see through suggestions watching my face fade from blank expression. and now I try and answer my own questions follow my own directions of these consecutive predictions. I am pursued in the rear view I wonder how to continue. I walk home in the afterglow the sky fading into the night.

about

recorded in a room in a roof
in port Angeles, Washington

photo by Jorge Gonzalez

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released August 7, 2019

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Idealease Austin, Texas

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